Everyone seeks to obtain and exercise control in a negotiation. Thus, the more control you have and exercise it the more enhanced your negotiation efforts will be. Since all parties involved in a negotiation are attempting to exercise more control throughout the negotiation, obtaining control can be a dicey proposition.

This article explores how to obtain and exercise more control in your negotiations.

Obtaining Control:

Control in a negotiation is perceptional. Thus, both negotiators will presume they have some form of control at different stages of the negotiation. To assess the degree of control you have versus that which the opposing negotiator has, try to understand his mindset. Some people are more easily controlled than others, simply because they seek to be controlled. They want you to lead them. You can exploit that aspect of their negotiation mindset but be cautious not to project that you’re attempting to take advantage of such a person. If you’re negotiating with someone of that ilk, oblige, by leading them. Make sure that they’re not giving the appearance to be led for the purpose of having you disclose your game plan for the negotiation.

Another way to obtain control is to act human. Saying, I’m sorry to someone in the appropriate situation humanizes you. It also sends the subliminal signal that indicates you don’t think you’re so great that you can’t make a mistake. While saying you’re sorry can be beneficial in a negotiation, you must also be aware that it can give the opposing negotiator a mental boost if he thinks you’re weak in doing so. Thus, when controlling a situation you must be aware to what degree expressing your sorrow enhances or detracts from your negotiation position.

Exercising Control:

In exercising control in a negotiation, you have to understand the purpose for which you seek control. Identify the psychological reasoning behind your efforts. Question to what degree you may be seeking control to sooth or enhance your ego (i.e. even the score from a prior negotiation, positioning so as not to be taken advantage of, matching the style of the opposing negotiator, etc.) Seek any and all sources that may be motivating you. It’s very important to understand your own mindset that drives you to seek control. Understanding your mindset will give you a sense as to why you engage in certain actions during the negotiation. Assess the mindset of the opposing negotiator for the same reason.

Body language Signals:

When considering the validity of the body language emitted by the opposing negotiator, observe a softer voice tone from one that may have been used previously, possibly sitting/pulling back from the negotiation table, and/or a lowered head. Such body language signals will denote a subdued mindset. Be aware when such demeanor changes. That could signal the beginning of efforts to regain control.

There are a lot of moving pieces when seeking, obtaining, and exercising control in a negotiation. The more observant you are per the above insights, the more attuned you’ll be to signals that indicate when to seek control and how to validate it. In so doing, you’ll become a more consistent winning negotiator… and everything will be right with the world.

Remember, you’re always negotiating!

Anorexia, Bulima and Teenagers

Anorexia Nervosa is an eating disorder characterized by obsession with weight loss and low self-esteem.

Anorexia or Bulimia simple means maintaining control over one’s own body. It is a destructive way to treat your body; especially your organs which are affected directly from starving yourself, using enemas, water and overuse of diet pills. Bulimia sufferers bing and purge to keep their weight down.

Just like any other addiction you have to get the person involved to admit to their addiction. In this case you must get your teenager to admit to this huge problem. This is the first step to solving this problem.

Teenagers become young women and men. If the Anorexia is not stopped in the teenage years, it will continue over into young adulthood. Girls have this disease more than boys. Teenagers can have this disease from any walk of life or ethnic group, but it is mainly Caucasian teenage girls who come from the middle to upper class.

The girls which are in plays, on television, play an instrument, dance, sing or in general out in the spot light are the ones which are the ones who will be easily reached into becoming obsessed about their weight.

One of the examples of this is Karen Carpenter who was a famous singer and drummer. She started her career as a teenager and one day she read an article in a local newspaper she was chubby. Ms. Carpenter had been on the top ten hit songs in the early seventies. This little article caused Ms. Carpenter to become obsessive about her weight. She became anorexic becoming grossly underweight while purging and binging; she damaged her heart and died of a heart attack at age 32.

Exercising may become obsessive to the teenage girl to burn calories and become thin. But even when the teenager is thin, she must be thinner in her mind. Excessive physical exercise can become dangerous, if the teenager becomes weak from lack of food. This is definitely a mental condition that could have started in many ways.

Reasons For Anorexia:

• Mental disorder.
• Physical disorder.
• Child abuse.
• Low self-esteem.
• A diet that went out of control.
• Feeding problems as an infant.
• Family interference.

This does not leave out the ordinary teenager who just wants to belong and not be overweight. This is the teenager with low self-esteem and can’t quite pull his/herself out of this bottomless pit.

Teenage Girls

When teenage girls read fashion magazines where the models are pencil thin, this is when the teenage girls think they need to be as thin as the models. This is not true. These women chose this profession and the chose to stay pencil thin to keep their employment.

Now fashion is changing. There are magazines for the normal full to plus size women. They even have fashion magazines with normal to full plus women to show off women’s sizes. When you think about it, how many girls are pencil thin in the real world? This is one of the ways where these girls get idea’s they had to be pencil thin to look like these fashion models.

Medical Research

The human brain is where research is being conducted. The brain is complex.

Parts Of The Brain

• Cerebral hemisphere
• Thalamus
• Hypothalamus
• Pituitary
• Pons
• Medulla
• Midbrain
• Cerebellum
• Spinal Cord
• The hypothalamus is a part of the brain which dysfunctions.
• It’s linked closely with the pituitary gland to control many of the body functions.
• It monitors and controls your sleep cycle.
• Omeostasis means running your body smoothly.

Nutritional Training

This is where the schools, parents, medical personals need to start being trained into good nutrition. It should be part of their medical training, where the parents need to take an active interest in their teenagers eating habits.

There are other ways to lose weight and keep it off besides starvation, binging and purging. This is the number one problem in America today, either being anorexic or obese. There is too much junk food flashed in young adults faces from everywhere from television, movies, magazines, and television.

Teenagers think everything they put into their mouths will make them fat. They progress into a state of starvation where they can’t push the food into their mouth’s fast enough. This is what is called binging. This is followed by sticking their finger down their throat and vomiting. This is where the overwhelming medical problems start.

Parents

As a parent you must keep track of your teenagers various activities. You must be on the alert for anything out of the ordinary.

• Playing with food.
• Taking small helpings.
• Pushing food around on the plate.
• Brittle skin.
• Teeth marks on knuckles.
• Doesn’t want to eat in public.
• Counts every calorie eaten.

As a parent when you realize your teenager is anorexic take immediate action. The teenager’s life is at stake.

Family Intervention

The family and good friends; if necessary must be present to present their argument.

• Talk about their health.
• Tell your teenager how much you love him/her.
• You must be strong.
• Your teenager will protest. There is nothing wrong.

Take Action

• Immediate medical attention a physician or Psychiatrist.
• Admission to a hospital which specializes in anorexia.
• Working with a Psychologist on a one to one basis or group therapy.

Group Therapy

• Talking in groups of teenagers with the same problem.
• Talking with a professional who will lead the group session.
• Sports
• This is important for all teenagers.
• Join a gym.
• Running
• Aerobics
• Walking
• Swimming
• Baseball
• Football
• Basketball
• Bike riding
• Skating

This will build self-esteem, keep weight down meet new people and explore new avenues of find out about your selves. Exercise will burn calories and keep the teenager’s mind off of food. When they reach home they will be more than ready for a good family meal.

Medical Problems From Binging and Purging

• Esophagus Is the food starts in the mouth and travel downward into the stomach this is the tube which connects the mouth and stomach.”
• The bile and acid irritates the lining.
• Tears can happen and become a life and death situation.
• Narrowing of the esophagus can prevent food passing through.
• This causes an inflammation of the stomach lining.
• Can cause the stomach to rupture.

Medical Problems

• Heart damage/Heart attack.
• Loss of fluids and electrolytes.
• Dehydration
• Memory Loss
• Anemia
• Kidney Disease/Kidney failure.
• Loss of teeth.
• Reproduction system – might not be able to have children.
• Lung complications
• Osteoporosis
• Hair loss
• Depression
• Low potassium
• Kidney stones/failure
• Weakness
• Constipation
• Ulcers
• Death

When you become anorexic, you are not only hurting yourself, mentally and physically but your family and friends as well. There isn’t any easy fix for this mental/medical problem which can be life threatening. Take baby steps.

Family Therapy

• This is where you talk with a Psychiatrist or family counselor and ask and answer questions.
• What happens when you eat lunch in the school cafeteria?
• Is it the food you don’t like?
• Is it the way the food is set out for you to pick from?
• Do you not like the food choices?
• Do you want to see other food choices?
• What would you like to eat at school?
• When you hang out with your friends what do you eat?
• What kind of food do you eat?
• Can it be changed?

Family Dinner

• Turn off the television.
• Everybody sit around the table.
• Talk to each other.

This is so important in keeping the communication open between you and your teenagers. Communication is disappearing in today’s world. With texting and e mails, instant messaging the English language is being lost. The teenagers feel it more than we think.

Try to get a dialogue going with your teenage child. Ask you teenager what you can do to help. This won’t be easy since teenagers are usually closed mouthed about their personal life. Don’t give up. Try to find an even balance, you can talk about and win over your teenagers confidence.
Love, Hugs, Compliments

Hugs can’t be mentioned enough. Hug your teenager every chance you can get. Tell your teenager you love him/her. Compliment him/her every chance you can get even for something you would never have thought of before. Your hair looks great today. I like your new sweater. I can’t do as many sit ups as you. Build up your teenager’s confidence.

For the teenager daughter dad is probable the most important person in her life next to her mother. If there isn’t a dad a strong male who is important to her, an older brother or an uncle. There is a fierce love between dad and daughter. Dads must be especially aware of this. They can inflict damage to their daughters without realizing with a look or saying something. Teenage girls are very emotional and feel each emotion very strongly.

Even though your teenager has low self-esteem and doesn’t believe in him/herself, don’t stop the hugs, the I love you’s and the compliments.

Love, education, a good doctor and therapist, who can give nutritional advice, can get your teenager healthy mentally and physically. It will happen never give up. Love can move mountains.

Nutrition

Nutrition is so important. It’s as important as breathing. Yet it is not taught in the school system. When you graduate from high school and are out on your own the choices we make to eat are sometimes not the best.

Today the way food is grown and processed is completely different from 20 years ago. This was when food was food and not chemicals. It was not loaded with salt, sugar, and fat.

We all must be educated on how to eat and what to eat. Today obesity is running wild though out the school system into adulthood. There are disease on the rampage which were for senior citizens not elementary school age children and older.

Education is the key. We must all be educated on what there is to eat that will not make us sick, make us obese or kill us.

Linda E. Meckler
Copyright 2010

This is extremely stressful. What most people don’t realize however, is that “the grind” you go through is a tactic dealerships use, on purpose, to maximize profit from you!

As an ex-car salesperson (or is it a reformed car salesperson?) in Phoenix, I know the verbal tactics dealerships use during the car negotiating process to create confusion and diversion – designed to get you to say “yes” to buying that shiny new vehicle for the absolute most they can get out of you!

Here are the three most common verbal tricks salespeople use during car negotiating to confuse you and maximize their profit.

Verbal Trick #1 – “If I Could Get This Vehicle In Your Price Range”

Phrases like this are better known as giving you “hope for gain.” You hope that the price is right. You hope the payments fit your budget. Whatever your trigger is, the salespersons job is to focus in on that and give you hope that it can be achieved.

For instance:

Good news! You’re looking over the lot and you see the perfect truck. It’s low miles and clean inside and out. Bad news! It’s about $2,000 more than you’re budgeted for. The salesperson sees that you’re in love with this truck, so they ask, “if I could get this truck around the price you want would you buy it today?”

Naturally you think that the salesperson is offering to discount the vehicle. But pay attention to the words, “if I could.” A promise was NEVER made to discount the truck. In fact, nothing has been promised at all! You were given hope that the truck will be discounted to fit your budget, but never actually promised anything. And this is before any car negotiating has truly begun!

How To Counter This:

First – Know what make, model, year, etc. you are looking for and basic prices by shopping online first. Better yet, work through one lender and a trusted dealership. Get the vehicle you want without having to shop all over town. If you’re looking for a used car know the approximate resale values by looking in Auto Trader or at dealerships inventory online.

Just keep in mind – if one dealership is advertising a particular used vehicle for thousands less than their competitors there is probably something wrong with the vehicle! It’s either really scratched up, has high miles, or has had a hard life prior to trade-in. This is the ONE vehicle to avoid!

Second – Get pre-approved! This way you will know your budget and the salesperson won’t be able to convince you to purchase a higher priced vehicle.

Third – DO NOT walk on a car lot assuming that the dealership will come down by $3,000 or $4,000 dollars during the car negotiating. Most cars today are not marked up that much. Ask for a discount of $1,000 to $2,000 and you should get it. This will leave $500 to $1,000 profit for the dealership (that’s reasonable) and you’ll get a good vehicle for a fair price.

Verbal Trick #2 – “If I Can Get Your Payments Around Where You Want Them Will You Buy Today?

This “hope for gain” tactic usually happens during the second or third pass in the car negotiating process.

For example: You are budgeted for $500 payments and tell the salesperson that up front (bad move by the way. Discuss payments LAST not FIRST when car negotiating).

The salesperson presents you with payments at $750 a month. You tell him that you can’t afford the car at that payment and reiterate your $500 budget. If you hold your ground during one or two more passes attempts to bump you by the salesperson they will usually ask, “If I can get your payments around where you want them will you buy this vehicle today?”

Once again, listen to the words. A promise is NOT being made to get your payment exactly where you want it. Any good salesperson will tell you that the term “around” means $50 to $100 a month higher than you are asking for in payments!

How To Counter This:

First – Get pre-approved! Then crunch the numbers and see how much vehicle you can purchase to fit the payments you want BEFORE you go shopping. Why? Because by shifting interest rates or stretching payments the dealership can usually get within range of what you want for payments without discounting (or minimally discounting) the vehicle.

Second – During the car negotiating process take each element of the sale piece-by-piece. Get them to agree to a purchase price FIRST. Then a trade-in value and finally lock in the payments – which should be easy if you are pre-approved.

Third – Never talk about payments until the very end of the car negotiating process. If a salesperson asks you “how much you were hoping your payments to be?” don’t answer them. Just keep focused on the price of the vehicle. By diverting you to payments the salesperson can take your focus OFF how much they are charging you for the vehicle, the REAL value of your trade-in and the interest rate they are charging. Through interest rate manipulation, stretching payments or talking you into more money down they can reap a larger profit for themselves!

Verbal Trick #3 – We’ll Pay Off Your Trade!

The final hope for gain tactic during car negotiating goes something like this: “OK. Mr. or Mrs. Smith. Here’s the price of the car, and with your trade-in, tax and documentation fees, paying off your trade, your payment is $700 a month.”

Often you hear this phrase “paying off your trade” used in advertising. “Bring in your car – no matter what you owe – and we’ll pay it off!”

This word trick is designed to make you think the dealership is offering you exactly what you owe on your trade-in vehicle. No matter what it’s actually worth! So, with a subtle phrase they leave you with the impression that if you owe $14,000 on a car that’s worth $10,000 they will still give you $14,000 for it anyway.

Here’s what they are really saying: Your trade-in will be paid off, by using what they give you in trade, and rolling the remaining amount into your new car loan. When the money comes from the lender for your new vehicle, the dealership will “pay off your trade” by mailing them a check!

How To Counter This:

First -

Know what your trade in is worth. A simple visit to Kelley Blue Book or Edmunds will give you an approximate value of your trade-in. Keep in mind that these are estimates only and actual values may vary by market. But if during car negotiating the dealership is offering you thousands less than Kelley Blue Book says your vehicle is worth walk out of that dealership – fast!

Second -

Keep focused on the price of the car and the actual amount they are offering you for your trade while car negotiating. Instead of focusing on payments, which can be manipulated based on lowering the interest rate and stretching the payment out, negotiate on the price and real trade-in value.

Third -

Get pre-approved. This way you know exactly how much you can spend on a car and what your payments will be. It takes THEM out of the drivers seat and puts you in it!

So now you know the three most common verbal tricks that salespeople use to confuse you and take your focus off the price of the vehicle and the actual trade-in value of your car during car negotiating. Don’t be fooled by these word tricks! Listen to what they are saying and get everything in writing!